Turned Down Multiple Times
So I decided to write something about that continuously lingered and bothered me for hours now. It is about my internship companion that I mentioned in my last article.
Part of the requirements for the completion of internship is a mock interview. And here I would see her again.
We see each other in the University by the way, but gone was the girl I always talked to and I was right it would never be repeated again. She just continuously ignored me and I was left contemplating if I did something wrong. Not once she texted nor turned back.
But then there it was. The tap that made me turned my head back. She asked me when I would go to the mock interview. The question was when` as if she was contemplating about my companionship. Anyhow, we set an agreed time.
We met and walked to where the mock interview would occur. The mock interview was just a university activity to train students for an interview when they seek a job opening. We walked and somehow I was excited by these small walks we had. How many times have we had this in our internship? When we will just go out of the room, to go to the toilet or to just stroll. Did I already mentioned the entire floor of our office consisted of only five people, including us? The other three, our Supervisors were just on the opposite room. So I would say, our walks were our lone time.
Anyway, this kind of walk with other students around us remind me of that time. I looked at her and tried to strike a conversation. I told her our Supervisor had missed her presence, which was true. Our supervisor was asking about her. Her response? A cold answer as if the world suddenly stop. I followed her, me, on her back as she pushed to the crowd. Gone was the side by side walk we had.
I was on the back now and she seemed oblivious by my presence. Anyway, I still try to catch up and when I did strike again a topic just to get the ball moving. Her response? She pulled her phone and focused her attention on it. I looked at her and looked around. Do I exist? Why did she asked me to come with her if she would not talk to me? Oh, I get it now. She didn’t know anyone and she seemed stuck by me.
As we go there she mentioned that she was hungry and I stupidly make the mistake of saying, “Let’s eat.” Let us, us eat. I say this stupidly because I should have learned my lesson from our previous meetings.
A short backtrack:
Before our internship had began we were looking for companies to apply. Yes, she was my classmate. During this time she was this enthusiastic jolly who texted me with a lot of vowels in it. I viewed her as this positive girl and just a happy girl. So we went to look for a company. I also happened to mentioned that my mother work in this company, which I didn’t plan to apply but told her to give it a try. I gave her a location and thought to myself that since, in some little ways, no I wouldn’t deny, that I care for her I decided that we would look for two companies on the same day. One for the company we would like and the other for the company where my mother work, where she would submit her resume. She didn’t need to. I already told her she was accepted. But she wanted to formalize it.
Again, I don’t plan to be on the company of my mother where this girl would work, I also happened to have one of our classmate intern with my mother. This classmate was our classmate. So the three of us knew each other. I didn’t bother if I’m on a different company and the two of them were together.
Our relationship hasn’t blossom at this time around. We are only acquaintance. The friendship will start at the company where we intern. Moving on, to get two birds in one stone I accompanied her in the company of my mother. Walk with her to the place. She got there and gave her resume while I stayed at Wendy’s. If I went in to the office with her my mother would encourage me to join them. As I told you she was already accepted so there was that.
She could start anytime she might have been. But we procrastinated to apply to other companies. The first company we went, I only went, did not call us back. Days passed. After a few days this woman, as in this girl, texted me to tell me to go to the internship office. So I went there to ask what it was about. She was not supposed to be there but coincidentally she was there. And there I found out she already started her internship, without informing me. The University was always giving internship and she would work in one of the desk. This doesn’t affect me then, but I guess I should have took this as a first sign.
At the internship office I was told there are deadlines for submission of companies and I still don’t have one. Fortunately, one of the employees in the internship who happened to know this and that are looking for someone in our course. And guessed how many they were looking for? 2 people. Right, two. And guessed how many students were having an internship this semester, in this course? 2 people. Oh, coincidence. I and this girl. So together, the two of us went to where we had our internship to apply.
First Sign: Before we start our internship we are required to have our deployment interview. (This is different from the mock interview earlier.) We will have this with our Department Chair. Looking for that person was hassle. I couldn’t remember where we had been this day but all I could recall was that from the train we rode, we went down and walked toward the University. Together. It was 12 in the afternoon, lunch time. Deep inside me, I wanted to tell her that we should take our lunch first. With the emphasis on the we. But I did not voice this out from my previous experience.
Remember the internship office where we accidentally met and I found out she already started some of her time, working in the University? After that instance we sat in the bench to talk. She was somehow active during this time. And then someone comes in. It was a man. Later, I will found out this was not a boyfriend but just special someone. Again, I am not jealous. She turned to me and told me her goodbyes and then she left me, alone in that bench. I felt left out. She didn’t mention to me she already started her intern, when she was this girl who nagged me about my mother’s office.
So this is the reason that I did not ask for lunch after our ride from the subway. I had a hunch. But she mentioned it. “I will eat first.” I took this as a sign that it would be us but I kept my mouth shut, something was still not right with my gut. She told me to look for the Department Chair and to set the schedule and that she would eat at this specific location. I didn’t know who she was with but she just told me to look for him and I did, while she would have lunch. I entered the University and she went straight to wherever she needed to be. I look for the Department Chair. Unfortunately, I did not arrive on time to where his class was so I ate alone. After some time I received a text from this girl, telling me the schedule of the interview. She coincidentally met the Department Chair on her way to her classroom. This was after texting her, I did not arrived on the Professor’s class on time.
Second Sign: So we went to this company the office referred and fortunately the location was near our houses. Travel was easy compared to other companies and compared to where we study. We applied and got accepted. She decided to stop her internship in the University, because it was not recommended for internships to have their intern within the University. They said it was better outside, to have the experience of a real world. So she joined me.
After the company we decided to go to internship office to inform them of our company. We commute from the company to school. I was with her the whole day for this…In the subway, I was looking outside as it moved, feeling I am about to be ejected again. And that was what happened. A guy came to take her. Again, this was nothing for. Our internship had not started yet.
But then, our internship started and we will take our lunch together. Be there in that room. It was just the two of us in one room.
Back to the mock interview, I say, “Let’s eat” And I mean us was because I had gotten used to eating lunch with her as a companion.
Third sign (During Internship): This was while during the internship where we met in the hallway. She was halfway on her time table, ten hours short, I think. I still have fifty more hours left. Knowing that her time in the company was running out I ask her if she was hungry. She said yes. I ask her if she would eat, she said yes. And then I made a mistake of asking if she will eat with someone else. I ask because of the first two signs.I wouldn’t have ask her this had we not meet in the hallway. But we did and I was turned down. She just laughed at my face and walked off.
Fourth (After internship): Before the mock interview. Out of hobby I ask that two words, let’s eat, knowing I shouldn’t have. She said she will be with someone else and because we have spent considerable time in our internship I was a bit hurt by this. Remember, from the first article, how much I missed her? So I was looking for this lunch out to be a catch up to what was going on with her life and update me from her stories, but for the last time, I was turned down and even completely ignored when my classmate, the one who interned for my mother came to join us. This girl talk to my classmate and I was left in the shadow as an spectator.
As I write this I was filled with thoughts that this girl was only a user and though I tried to stray away from this thoughts, knowing that this was probably stem from my bitterness that she didn’t want to reconnect anymore with me. I looked at the facts and looked back. In some ways I joked to myself, try to make fun of the situation that she was just bipolar and that it was just her mood swing and nothing more.
Maybe she was and maybe she wasn’t, and maybe she wasn’t because deep down I have concern for this girl.
But one thing was certain I had my buttons push to the limits. It was time to put an end to my cuddly feelings about her. Some people will just care and some will not. Some will remember and some will not. Some people will just appreciate and some will not.
This will not happened again and I will not ask again. It was enough it happens once or twice but I learned from this lesson that multiple times are more than enough. Forget her and move on. Sometimes it was just woman’s nature because I know she was not doing this consciously, it will scare me if all that happened out of logical choice. It meant she was an absolute user and I’ve been really used. There was still the coming graduation where we will see each other.
This was more an unconscious nature of her and try as I might I get, if she cares, unconsciously she would come. There no need for logical thinking. It would come naturally. But she did not and from there I know.
I am never desperate, how much more those who would be. Moved on and give the value and offer the things you can and want to someone who appreciate. After all, this is the deeper thing we are looking for. Not for the efforts to be returned but for it to be appreciated, know that it made you smile would be enough. But cold responses were unaccepted.
To be ignored as if you are a ghost should not be something that you should tolerate. There are a lot of selfish people who will just dump you when they don’t need you anymore.
Go on, breathe and find someone who will appreciate you.
Written: 9/11/16, 1:40 am
So graduation came and what better date to have it than the month of December and close to Christmas! Of course, everyone was happy. The air was jovial. I wouldn’t want to go on the entire length of how it went through, or how glad I am that I am graduating. That will be reserved for some article.
So we were four students who would be graduating. This semester. That girl and another two more. I tried to be patient with this girl as I didn’t carry much grudge in me anymore. But I also don’t mention it. Anyhow, during the ceremony she asked us if she and her mother could tag along in our SUV. With the number of students graduating, I’m certain taxis and ubers would be difficult to find. They would be waiting for very long before they found a vacant one. I tried to consider and thought. Right at that moment, I was giving her a little bit of a chance to redeem herself. I told her that some of my relatives would be coming and if they do, she and her mother might not fit in our car. That was true. My relatives were coming. But only two of them. So this girl and my mother would fit in our SUV. I even texted my mother if someone could tag along. I sat there, waiting. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. I’m happy to graduate and so everyone around us. But I think it’s so common everyone was bored to death. There were many speakers talking about life and all of the students were just seating around. Time was idle. Perhaps, I was waiting for her to say something. I talked to other of my classmates. My mother replied that someone can tagged along and we would still fit. This internship companion was close to our home anyway. She asked me again if she and her mother could ride with us. She talked to one of our classmates, about how difficult it would be to take a taxi. She said I was even lucky to have a vehicle. I had enough and finally decide. I told her we couldn’t accommodate anyone anymore as the vehicle was already full. It was Toyota Innova and could still carry two people at the backseat despite some of my relatives coming. She just shrugged at me.
We finished the graduation ceremony. Took some pictures and we went on our ways.
I am writing this update, in the month of January. I am writing, because someone texted me, requesting me to pass her a load in her cell phone. I asked who it was. The number was unknown. She was asking for three pesos. My name was on the first sentence, so I knew this person knew me. But it didn’t need someone’s brain to know who this person was. I looked back to a different thread whose number became invalid. I looked at it, and looked back to this text. The tone was the same. It was the same girl, trying to claw again something from me. If she thought I would be swayed after so many facts, she was so wrong. Nevertheless, it wasn’t important anymore. Because when I asked who it was. I didn’t get anymore reply and I was relieve I didn’t.
And I remembered this article and thought to pause on my Russian language learning and update this entry.